Bed Hopping
by Jojo6
Summary: S/J-ish. Some itty humour bits. Complete. Only PG-13 for a couple of swear words.


Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is an original MGM, Greenburg/Anderson, Gekko, Top Secret, Kawoosh! production.  
Any material relating to Stargate SG-1 is for entertainment only, and is in no way meant as an infringement on copyrights. In other words, I own nadda. 

Spoilers: Well, since it's S/J the inevitable spoilers from Divide and Conquer, as well as Cold Lazarus but not in any direct way. Otherwise, I'd set it about S5. 

AN. This is a companion piece to **'This can't be happening'** which is also around here somewhere. When I say 'companion piece', I mean the events described in this fic are mentioned in the other one. That makes sense, right? It can be read on its own, of course.****

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Sam woke to a cacophony of groaning. For an instant, she wondered where she was - surely not off-world? Did she usually sleep on a sofa when they were off-world? A sofa that looked remarkably familiar, in fact. Colonel O'Neill's sofa. 

Slowly, Sam pulled her sticking face off the fabric and sat up. And realised why whoever it was was groaning. '' Oh my God,'' she whispered, hands going straight to hold her head together. Directly opposite her, Daniel was mirroring her actions almost down to a T. The one exception was that he had his glasses dangling between his fingers. 

Sam groaned as her head throb, throb, throbbed in complaint. '' What the hell happened?'' she said, trying not to open her mouth too much just... in case. 

'' I'm gonna kill him,'' was all Daniel managed, standing up very, very slowly. 

'Him' was clearly Colonel O'Neill, though Sam couldn't quite remember why Daniel was feeling so vengeful. Clearly, there'd be alcohol involved. The bottles on the table in front of her - oh God, she just might be sick - were a huge clue. And there were rather a lot of bottles. In fact, Sam didn't think that if she divided those bottles by three (Teal'c didn't drink) she'd be happy with the answer. 

'' Sam. Sam.'' 

The loud whisper almost didn't catch her attention. It was Daniel, halfway up the stairs. She walked very slowly, and very smoothly, over to the staircase and looked up. Ooohh, it was nice and dark up there. Dark good. '' What is it, Daniel?'' She was not going to let this hangover make her look ridiculous, because she was almost positive that she'd looked ridiculous last night at some point. 

'' Do you know where he keeps the aspirin?'' 

She nodded, regretted the movement, and instead started stepping up the steps one at a time. Daniel watched her, not moving from his own step, his lids becoming heavy as the repetitive movement began to lull him into a dozing state. His eyes snapped open when he realised she was standing just below him. Then he looked up the stairs. '' I swear this staircase wasn't this big yesterday,'' he muttered. 

Sam reached out and gently poked him on the shoulder. '' Go.'' 

They both felt quite sick at the top of the stairs after all that and had to rest a minute, leaning against walls, in between picture frames. It was nice and dark upstairs. And warm too. Teal'c, they knew was in the downstairs spare room because Colonel O'Neill kept a load of candles in there for the express purpose of keeping his friend entertained. So why hadn't either of them taken advantage of the upstairs spare room? 

It was probable that Sam had fallen asleep on the sofa earlier than the boys. After all, physically, no matter how much training she had given herself when she was younger, she was female and therefore a no match for the drinking aptitude of the boys. And Daniel, much against popular belief, could hold his drink, though not to the extent the Colonel could, of course. Still, usually she paced herself throughout the evening. For every two beers the others would have, she'd have one. Smaller glasses of wine. And if they were doing shots - which she, by the taste of meths in her mouth, had a feeling they had - she'd skip a round every so often. Still, looking at the bottles on that table, Sam knew all her precautions had gone out the window. 

She would never, ever do that again, she decided. No matter the excuse. 

What the hell was the excuse anyway? Yesterday had been.... Friday. She recalled being at work. They hadn't been on a mission. No, no, they'd just come home from a mission. But where had they been? And why didn't she want to think about it? 

Oh God. The rain. The mud. The sleet. The hail. The unfriendly natives. The friggin' enormous man-eating cows. The days slogging up through a river of mud and leeches and... ugh, that had been a horrible mission. 

'' Sam?'' 

'' Aspirin. I know.'' She headed towards the bathroom. She'd always liked his bathroom. It was big, with floorboards, and nice windows, though, of course, he'd decorated it man-style. Or maybe he'd just left it that way when he'd arrived. Whatever it was, it was in a shade of green only a man would pick for a bathroom, and there were no blinds or curtains on the windows. She opened the medicine cupboard over the sink and pulled out the precious bottle of medication, smiling at it sweetly. 

Daniel held out his hand and she tumbled the requisite number into his palm. He cupped some water up with the other hand and threw the combination in his mouth. Sam did the same. 

'' Spare room,'' Daniel mumbled, turning and hobbling out of the room. Why was he limping? Sam wondered. 

The spare room had the curtains drawn, the big bed made, the heating on at a lovely womb-like temperature. Both of them headed for the bed, Daniel taking the left, Sam the right. Daniel, being a guy, just climbed under the duvet and went to sleep. Sam gave him a dirty look and carefully shucked her jeans off. Then, wincing at the stretch, she reached under her black short sleeve T-shirt and undid the catch on her bra, pulling it out of her sleeve. She accidentally flung it away, rather than dropping it on her jeans, and reminded herself to remember that it had fallen somewhere on the bed. Then, exhausted, she climbed into the other side of the bed and closed her eyes. 

Ah. 

Sleepy Sammy, sleepy, sleepy..... zzzzzzzzzzzz. 

Doorbell. 

DOORBELL. 

'' Doorbell,'' she mumbled, finally voicing the word that had been plaguing her for what seemed like hours. She cracked open one eye, aware that the warm body just behind her wasn't moving, and realised, with horror, that she would probably have to get the door. 

'' I hate you guys.'' 

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Sam climbed out of bed and left the spare room. Her head was feeling considerably better, but her stomach was still at odds with its contents. She, therefore, moved down the stairs with some awkwardness. Not bothering with the preliminaries - the damn T-shirt covered her ass, what more did you need? - she pulled open the door and stared at the irritating person who had woken her up at - ooh - eight on a Saturday morning. Man, she and Daniel must have woken up really early before. 

The woman at the door looked familiar. Very familiar, actually. Blonde. Blue eyed. About Sam's height. 

Both women stared at each other for a moment. Blue eyes widening. 

Sara O'Neill jumped to an assumption. 

And Sam knew what that assumption was. 

'' I'm so sorry...'' 

'' It's not what it looks like...'' 

The older woman (not that much older, Sam reminded herself), backed away hurriedly, shaking her head. She looked like she'd just seen a ghost. Impulsively, Sam stepped out onto the porch and then realised she was not dressed for chasing after her CO's ex-wife. Swearing under her breath, she realised the only possible solution was to get the Colonel. She shot up those stairs, ignoring her stomach's rising complains, and shoved open the Colonel's door. He was in bed, peacefully sleeping. '' Colonel!'' She ran over and shook him, putting on knee on the edge of the bed so she could reach him in the middle. '' Colonel!'' When that didn't work, Sam did the only thing she could think of. '' Jack!'' 

Colonel O'Neill rolled over onto his side, blinking at the expanse of leg on show. '' What the...'' 

'' Sir, I just answered the door to your wife. I think she got the wrong idea. She ran off before I could explain.'' 

He sat bolt upright. '' Shit,'' he muttered, climbing over the bed and running out of the room. 

Guilty, but relieved that she'd approached the situation the right way - Colonel O'Neill would explain everything just fine - Sam looked at the bed. It was a nice bed, big, with a pine headboard. And the mattress was just the right softness, the space the Colonel just vacated invitingly warm. 

Later, Sam would tell herself that it wasn't _that_ inappropriate. All she did was lay her head down on the pillow, her legs dangling off the side of the bed. It would look exactly how it had been - she'd been too tired to move and had just laid down. After all, her stomach was doing the tango after her mad panicked dash up the stairs and she really wasn't feeling up to going back to the spare room. 

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ 

Jack grabbed a pair of khakis from the washing up basket that was sitting at the top of the stairs and did a mad, and dangerous, trouser hop dance combo as he fumbled his way down the stairs. In the back of his mind, Carter's panicked expression and long, pale legs were burning a hole and he realised with the utmost clarity what Sara would assume. The front door was already open - a testimony to how out of it Carter must have been - and Jack ran, bare foot, down his front path to the sidewalk where he looked both ways. 

He didn't have to look far for her. She was only two houses down, dithering. 

'' Sara,'' he called. 

She turned and waved at him shortly. Then clutched her hands together in front of her. 

They walked towards each other slowly. Jack had his hands in his pockets, deep in his pockets, for fear that his fiddling fingers would give him away. '' Morning,'' he said. She was wearing a jumper that he'd never seen before. It used to be that he'd know all the clothes in her wardrobe. 

'' I didn't think... I mean, you're an early riser. Like me.'' She swallowed, her eyes wide and upset. '' Jack, I'm so sorry..'' 

He smiled affectionately at her. '' Sara, it's not like that. Sam's on my team,'' huh, funny how she suddenly became 'Sam' in conversation, '' Daniel and... Murray are inside too. She just heard the doorbell and went to answer it in whatever she was wearing.'' 

'' Or not,'' Sara added. She looked down at the pavement. '' I recognised her. From before.'' 

'Before' could only mean one thing. Jack looked up at the trees, then down again. '' Yeah. She's a Major, now, you know.'' 

'' Good for her. Do.. are there a lot of... very beautiful major's in the Air Force, Jack?'' 

If he'd been eating or swallowing anything, he would have choked. As it was, his mouth dropped open and he forgot to breath. Sara was looking at him slyly, the upset in her eyes leaving slowly, ebbing away. '' Wha...'' 

'' You've not had women on your 'team' before so I've really no one to compare her too. I'm just saying she's very beautiful, that's all.'' 

Hell, he knew that. How could he miss it? Why the hell was she pointing it out? And why the hell was she looking at him that way? '' Look, Sara, she's my 2IC. She's a scientist. Theoretical astrophysicist.'' 

'' Beautiful and clever. Wow.'' 

'' That is _so_ not what I meant.'' 

Sara grinned. She actually grinned. And she looked rather pleased with herself. '' Must have given you a shock when she woke you up. All that leg.'' 

'' For crying out loud, Sara!'' This was not how it was supposed to be going. He and Sara had started this tentative friendship thing - she was not supposed to be teasing him yet. They hadn't reached that stage. 

'' You wouldn't be having such a problem with this if you didn't think so too, Jack.'' 

'' I'm not blind, dammit!'' God, he really had to lower his voice. It was way too early, and way too obvious of him to be shouting. Oh. And here came the hangover headache that panic had delayed. Today was going to be such a good day. 

'' Jack,'' she reached out, brushed her fingers over his upper arm, '' I'm all right. It was just a shock. Honestly, she was more upset than I was. And it was very thoughtful of her to be concerned about me enough to wake you up.'' 

'' She's like that.'' He sighed. '' Do you want to...'' 

She looked back towards his house. '' No. I was just in the neighbourhood, that's all.'' 

'' Why? This is nowhere near where you live.'' 

She smiled secretly. '' I had a date last night.'' 

'' A.... oh.'' He waited a moment, tried to analyse how he felt about this. Ambiguous, conflicting emotions tangled inside him. '' Good for you,'' he said eventually. 

Sara's smile widened. '' Yeah. He's lovely, actually. I just dropped by because... because I wanted to see how I felt when I saw you.'' 

Strangely, Jack could understand that. He nodded to show her he got it. '' Okay then. I'll call you.'' 

'' No, you won't.'' 

'' All right then. You call me. You know I'm useless with that sort of thing.'' 

She rolled her eyes. '' Go back to bed, Jack.'' 

'' I'm going, I'm going.'' 

Back inside the house, Jack pondered just exactly what his ex-wife had cottoned on to so quickly. Was it that obvious? he wondered. Even to someone who hadn't witnessed him making a damn fool of himself with alien lie detectors and... oh. 

He stopped just inside his bedroom door. A slow smile spread across his face. 

Sam Carter was in his bed. Asleep. In a T-shirt and pale blue panties. All that leg. Oh, was that his headache subsiding? Sure felt like it. 

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ 

The next time Sam awoke, her legs were tucked in, she was under the duvet, and she was not alone in the bed. She knew this because someone was nearly spooned up against her, sleeping heavily, the rhythmic breathing fluttering the hairs on the back of her neck and tickling her ear. Initially, of course, Sam wasn't awake enough to realise what the hell was going on. She was having a pretty nice wake up, actually, all warm and comforted, even though the body behind her wasn't quite close enough for comfort... 

Shit! 

She sat up quickly and turned to look at Colonel O'Neill. He was sleeping on his side, head pillowed on his arm, one hand resting in front of his face. He must have moved her into a more comfortable position. Part of her was relieved he felt comfortable enough to sleep next to her, while the other part of her - the Air Force part - was currently ordering her ass out of the room and out of the house. 

And sadly, Sam tended to listen to the Air Force in her because, again sadly, it was usually right. 

So, unwillingly, Sam forced herself to slide smoothly out of the bed, Colonel O'Neill's bed. Her stomach was better, her headache gone - there was no reason for her to hang around anymore, impeding on his weekend. 

Daniel was still fast asleep in the spare room, snoring lightly away. Sam pulled on her jeans swiftly and wondered where her bra had gone. She climbed down on all fours and looked under the bed, disturbing a few dust bunnies (clearly the Colonel didn't believe in vacuuming under beds, particular spare ones). No sign of her bra. Now where the hell had it gone? It was one her favourites too. God, this was really embarrassing. What if she couldn't find it? Did she leave a note for him? _Dear Sir, Thanks for last night. Can't find my bra, though. Love, Carter. _Oh yeah, she could see that going down well. 

Well, wherever it was, it wasn't on full view and considering the Colonel's cleaning techniques, he wasn't likely to find it. Next time she came over, she'd have a good search for it. It could only be in the spare room, after all. Maybe she could leave a note for Daniel... 

Oh, never mind. It wasn't the end of the world if he found it anyway. He'd be discrete about it - wasn't like he was going to hand it over to her in the gate room or anything. Knowing him, it would turn up in her locker one day in the future and she'd never be the wiser. 

Her coat was downstairs on the hatstand and she was glad for its covering - she never went without a bra usually. Thankfully she had enough money for a taxi otherwise she'd be having a very uncomfortable walk home. She dithered over the message she was going to leave him and eventually settled for the civilised but teasing version - _To the boys of SG-1, Have fun cleaning up! Love, Dr Major Carter_. 

Grinning, Sam left the house and headed for the high street. 

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ 

Jack told himself that he wasn't disappointed to find Carter had already left. It would only have been awkward, he decided, rolling over into the space she had left and breathing in the smell of her hair on his pillow. Then he realised quite how old he was and quite how sappy he was being, and got out of bed. 

The mess downstairs was enough to put him into shock. Good God, was that two bottles of vodka? And what was that blue stuff...? He didn't have that. He didn't know what that was. Must have been an alcohol shopping trip the previous night that he didn't recall. God, he hoped they'd walked. 

Carter's note, stuck to his refrigerator, made him laugh. He decided he leave it there for Daniel and Teal'c to read, then it would go in his box with all of the other notes Carter had left him. 

'' Daniel! Teal'c! Get your asses out here and help me!'' he yelled into the quiet house. 

Teal'c opened the door to the spare room almost immediately, one eyebrow raised. 

'' Hey, T,'' Jack greeted. '' Nice... sleep?'' 

'' Indeed, O'Neill.'' Without being asked, Teal'c started picking up the bottles. '' Would you like me to rouse Daniel Jackson?'' 

'' Nah, I'll go. I like scaring the hell out of him first thing in the morning.'' 

Teal'c inclined his head and continued bottle duty. 

Daniel was sprawled, starfish like, across the spare room bed wearing exactly the same clothes he'd worn the night before. Jack grinned maliciously, pulled apart the curtains and waited to see if the sunlight affected Danny in any way. When he didn't stir, Jack ran through his list of early morning torture routines, vetoed a few in case Daniel decided to purge his stomach of last nights contents all over Jack's nice spare sheets, and settled for the boring option of just giving him a good shake. 

'' Danny... come on, Daniel, we have work to do. I'm not leaving Teal'c down there to clear up after us! He only had one beer! Danny... Space monkey, are you listening to me?'' Man, the boy was hard to wake up. Jack walked around to the other side of the bed and, feeling really stupid, climbed up on the mattress and started to gently bounce up and down, chanting, '' Oh, Danny, up and at 'em.'' 

'' Piss off.'' 

At first, Jack didn't think he heard correctly. He leant down. '' What was that?'' 

'' Piss off,'' Dr Daniel Jackson mumbled, half his face concealed by a pillow. 

'' Daniel, I'm not kidding.'' 

Daniel lifted his head and regarded the pillow next to him. '' Where's Sam?'' 

Jack narrowed his eyes. '' Not in bed with you, sunshine.'' 

'' She was earlier.'' 

Huh. Seemed Carter'd done some bed hopping that morning. 

Daniel was putting on his glasses by this point. He yawned and stretched. '' Oh, I feel much better. Last night's still a blank though. I suppose Teal'c will be able to fill us in.'' 

'' Since I distinctly recall him going to bed or meditate or whatever at ten, I think it's up to our collective memories.'' 

'' Damn.'' He looked at Jack's feet, frowned and then leaned forward, pulling something out from underneath the duvet. He began blushing as soon as it became obvious what it was but pride refused to let him throw it across the room like it was a snake. 

Jack's eyes widened. Sam's bra. Oh boy. He hoped to God she didn't wear things like that underneath her BDUs or he'd never be able to look her in the eye ever again. 

Daniel cleared his throat. '' Jack.'' 

'' Yuh?'' 

'' Take it away from me.'' 

Since Jack wasn't entirely against this course of action, he removed the item from Danny's slack grip. '' It's just a bra, Daniel. Women have them.'' 

'' You're not going to torture her with it, are you?'' 

Jack had this sudden and absurd image of presenting it to Sam, damn, _Carter_ in the gate room in front of General Hammond. He found himself smiling evilly. '' Nah.'' 

'' Jack, really. She'd be mortified.'' 

He rolled his eyes. '' Get downstairs and help Teal'c.'' 

Daniel flung the duvet aside and stomped out of the room. 

Danny was right, Jack thought, looking at the bra in his hands. This would have to be dealt with in a discrete way. Maybe he could fob it off on Fraiser? No, she'd be suspicious. Better idea, he'd break into her locker and just leave it there. Yeah. That's it. Perfect. 


End file.
